These events, which seem directly correlated, without having discernible causal connection, are what synchronicity is all about. And it’s back in my life at full blast.
For several years, I felt as though the Universe was blocking my every move, sabotaging my every undertaking. The more I fought, the harder the blows I got were. Little by little, this series of perceived failures was wearing me down. The only option for me at that point was acceptance. This new state of my personal and professional affairs was what it was, and I had to live with it. I came to accept the fact that my days of shining glory and sparkling enthusiasm were behind me. This dug the path for a flow of self-doubt and self-deprecation that made its way inside me. Motherhood was the only part of my life that was still truly brightening my days. For the rest, I was going through the motions and watching the days go by.
During one more winter that felt as cold emotionally as it did physically, I started writing this blog. I wanted to practice writing and needed to see a concrete result of my thoughts. These thoughts that otherwise just kept rolling and tumbling inside my head. Putting words on my feelings of despair, self-pity, sadness, hurt, disappointment helped me in a way. By writing them down, these emotions seemed to be losing some of their grip on me, though I could not see objective changes in my situation. Until, one day, a window that had been shut was opened. And then another. And then it was a door. And then three windows and two doors.
Since this summer, a warm breeze has swept through my life and through the windows and doors of my soul. And what’s surprising is the return of the synchronicity I once knew. One might call it God’s winks, another might prefer to speak of serendipity or fate. I call it synchronicity because I cannot find a good reason why this should not have happened sooner (or later for that matter), so it doesn’t feel like it’s fated. But it is fascinating to see that, in contrast with the last two years, now my moments of doubt are met with a helping hand. My moments of tiredness are met with an event awakening the feeling of excitement in me. My efforts finally seem to be paying off.
What I’ve been experiencing is not the Hollywood success story or happy ending. It is not a final answer to any one prayer. Rather, it is a series of opportunities combined with a constant and discreet wind in my back. Now I can take a proverbial slap in the face and brush it off, I can look my detractors in the eye and think “I can take you!” There are still many aspects of my life that could do with serious improvement. But it has been much easier to get up in the morning, knowing that there are forces that seem to carry me instead of dragging me down. One friend told me that things happened exactly as they should and that nothing happens by chance. I don’t know about that. But I do know that, just as there are particular manifestations in nature occurring when the stars align a certain way, there is an ongoing series of positive events and encounters happening in my life. My very own happy constellation.
(Title: Quote by Carl Jung)