“Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true”

Hopeless but Not Serious

Lately, I’ve been shaking my head in disbelief at the unfathomable mess made on a global scale by these powerful hatemongers, to better divide and reign over us. I cringe whenever I hear of any new development, each more disheartening than the last. And yet, I feel that it’s my duty to remain informed. So what can one do in this situation? Why, laugh about the absurdity of it all of course!

In an increasingly complex and anxiety-inducing world, it would indeed be easy to succumb to apathy and sink into depression. News of natural disasters, wars, and the rise of the right and far-right can be paralysing. But there is another way to see things. The American psychologist and sociologist Paul Watzlawick wrote a book titled “The Situation Is Hopeless, But Not Serious.” I particularly like this title because it is precisely in times like these that we discover the importance and power of humour. As I mentioned in a previous post about the recent US presidential election, the young American gun control activist, David Hogg, said on The Daily Show “There’s so much negativity and vitriol in the media constantly, it’s hard to watch. And when it feels like you’re constantly being told the world is on fire, but you still need to be informed, watching things like The Daily Show … and John Oliver … gave me a completely different perspective on how hilariously corrupt a lot of these different state legislatures and politicians are…”

*Taken from “Il Viaggio” by Tijana Djapovic (c)*

The immense popularity of shows delivering news through humour reveals the public’s need to laugh in order to digest the overwhelmingly negative messages we’re getting every day. This is as true in North America as it is in Europe. If the British tell the news through the filter of their sarcastic humour with Have I Got News For You (BBC), the French Les Guignols de l’info (Canal+) played this role for several decades in European francophone countries. And today, a creative and diverse new generation of young comedians with sharp political and societal critiques is rising on social media, where they find a platform and an audience to challenge the system we live in, while contributing to our psychological well-being.

Have I Got News For You (BBC)

A Laugh A Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Numerous scientific studies have demonstrated the benefits of laughter on our mental and physical health. It stimulates the production of endorphins and reduces cortisol, making it a powerful anti-stress tool. We have all heard of laughter therapies, laughter yoga, or clowns visiting sick children in hospitals. As stated by the organisation Le Rire Médecin (Laughing Doctors) on their website:

“Researchers conclude that, in the context of care support, the action of clowns helps reduce children’s anxiety, and for children suffering from cancer, it helps reduce fatigue, pain, and stress.”

^{– Taken from the website}^{www.leriremedecin.org}

It is therefore not surprising that we turn to humour in order to cope with increasingly distressing economic and political realities.

I recently attended a talk given by talented comedian-director Jean-Pascal Zadi, who said that, people increasingly turn to comedies and want to laugh due to the spread of negative and stressful news we can all notice. According to him,

“The more dramatic a situation, the funnier the way you tell it has to be.”

^{– Taken from a masterclass given in Brussels by Zadi in December 2024}

One can, of course, question the real usefulness of humour from a global perspective, as it doesn’t directly solve problems that concern us. However, its unifying power and popularity make it an antidote to apathy.

Just like music, humour reaches a much broader audience than so-called serious intermediaries. An excellent example of this is Charlie Chaplin, who created his satirical masterpiece “The Great Dictator,” before World War II. In it, he portrayed a head of state modelled on Hitler. The film’s release in the United States in 1941 helped mobilise North American public opinion in favour of entering the war alongside European democracies. This is far from being an isolated case of the impact that comedians can have on society.

Charlie Chaplin’s “Great Dictator”

Sad Clowns

Paradoxically, those who make us laugh the most often suffer from depression. Yet, even in this aspect, we can see the positive role of laughter. When speaking about Robin Williams, comedian Howie Mandel said:

“Laughter, for him, was a life preserver.”

^–^{Howie Mandel on Vice TV}

He went on to explain that true humour comes from darkness, and laughter is the bridge to survival. The sad clown paradox, studied in psychology, takes its name from this archetype, as old as the character of Pedrolino in the Commedia dell’arte, a mischievous and honest valet who often cried. Although laughter cannot erase the woes of these individuals, expressing their dark vision of the world through jokes makes humour a powerful tool for social connection.

And the same goes for populations experiencing collective tragedies, such as war. Throughout the siege of Sarajevo (1992-96), during the Balkan War, humour was one of the only things that helped the local population to endure the horrors they faced daily. At the time, our Bosnian friends told us morbid jokes they were sharing back home, even as bombs fell and snipers shot at them. The darker the jokes, the more they laughed. During that same war, English satirist Ian Hislop congratulated the founders of the Croatian political satire newspaper Feral Tribune for their courage, to which one of them replied:

“I don’t care if you think I’m brave! Am I funny?”

^{– Ian Hislop quoting one of Feral Tribune’s founders on the podcast “The Problem with Jon Stewart}“^{(see below)}

“The Problem with Jon Stewart” with Ian Hislop

Dissidence and Freedom

Whether in times of war or peace, this dark humour that countered bombs with laughter was typical of communist countries, especially those under the Soviet regime. There is even a Russian term, “anekdot,” meaning “a socio-political joke, initially transmitted by word of mouth to circumvent censorship… It is part of the folklore of the USSR and other countries that experienced the same political system.” We particularly see the power of humour as a tool of dissidence and free expression under repressive regimes. Whether written texts, caricatures, or spoken texts, any form of satire or derision has always disturbed dictators.

Under every totalitarian regime, laughter could become an act of resistance, allowing individuals to reclaim their history. The writer Romain Gary said:

“Humour is the weapon of the unarmed.”

^{– Romain Gary in an interview on Radio-Canada}

It reverses roles by turning the oppressors into the target of mockery, thereby reducing their hold on the oppressed. This is why leaders such as Donald Trump or personalities like Elon Musk are well-known antagonists to comedians caricaturing or criticising them, be it Jimmy Kimmel or the performers on Saturday Night Live.

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Around the World

Today, even as we worry about globalisation and its impact on our societies and freedoms, we tend to forget that we already have a powerful universal freedom tool, namely laughter. Humour and satire exist everywhere and take different forms depending on the culture. In West Africa, traditional storytellers and musicians use satire to criticise leaders and political events, while in India, stand-up comedians’ corrosive humour denounce social and religious divisions. In New Zealand, the haka, traditionally a war dance, is sometimes used to mock politicians, while in Brazil, cartoonists who dare to highlight corruption and social inequalities are celebrated. The French are known for their chansonniers, combining humour and music to criticise society, just as Germans do in their political cabarets.

*Made by South African cartoonist Zapiro*

Even in today’s China, despite censorship, social networks make the widespread dissemination of caricatures possible. In 2020, the Swiss newspaper Le Temps published an article explaining that “The space left for cartoonists has shrunk over the past ten years in the Chinese press. However, political events are bringing this impertinent art back to life.”

Fools and Safeguards

Whether in times of war or peace, every people has developed its own form of humour. Each of them exists to make us laugh while highlighting subjects that might otherwise go unnoticed. Comedians and satirists are therefore both our fools and our safeguards. They offer an outlet to eliminate our frustrations and anxieties while informing us and taking a stand, where most of us would only do so through posts, safely hidden behind our screens.

A German proverb says:

“Humour is laughing in spite of it all.”

These days, this means in spite of financial crises and conflicts, fears for our future and that of the planet, dictatorships, and injustices. Laughter can both repair what is broken in us and offer a space to share our anxieties. It brings people together, informs, and invites action.

Laughter is a tool of resilience and a bearer of freedom that we desperately need and that we must cherish.

“Always look on the bright side of Life” sung by Eric Idle in Monty Python’s “Life Of Brian”

(Title quote taken from the Monty Python‘s song “Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life” in their film “Life Of Brian“.
Article initially published in the francophone Belgian magazine “Laïcité Magazine” under the title “Laughter as a resilience tool”.)

“It was a long time ago, longer now than it seems”

This is the opening line to Tim Burton’s “Nightmare Before Christmas”. I have loved that film, and have listened to Danny Elfman’s brilliant soundtrack during the months leading up to Christmas ever since the movie came out. Recently, I realised that I often think of this particular line, and wondered why.

The opening lines of “The Nightmare Before Christmas” (narrated by Patrick Stewart)

Nostalgia

I think it awakens a sense of nostalgia for a time that never really existed. Just as Patrick Stewart’s voice says in the second half of the sentence: “in a place that perhaps you’ve seen in your dreams.” My friends and I have noticed that collective nostalgia has become more present in our society. Nostalgia for a time when young people rightfully expected that they would do better in life than their parents. A time when everything seemed simpler. When what was said on the news was assumed to be true, when working hard was going to get you places, and roles were clearly defined. When you didn’t have to make hard choices, because they were made for you. One of the most noticeable expressions of this nostalgia is Trump’s “Make America Great Again”. But what is nostalgia, really? According to the dictionary, it is:

“A wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition.”

^{– Merriam-Webster dictionary}

Studies have shown that our brains are generally wired to remember the very negative or positive experiences, while everything in between seems to fade more easily. And indeed, nostalgia exaggerates the positive in our memories, erasing any negative context attached to them. That is perhaps why MAGA’s message is so easy to adhere to: it aims to remind us of a time when everything was supposedly better. As it is easy to glorify what you are removed from, either geographically or chronologically, the MAGA crowd believes there was a time when America truly was great.

Great again?

But how great was America, really? There used to be an American Dream, to be sure. And “the new world” (“new” for those who wrote our history) was indeed a land of opportunities and liberty for many who were fleeing persecution and hunger. There has also always been an American sense of optimism, and faith that anything is possible, that we Europeans long for. Where I grew up, we are raised to be conscious of our rich cultural heritage and our long history, but we are also weighed down by it. In the United States, this is not the case. Nothing seems to be forever, and there is a “can-do attitude” that we are simply not taught in Europe.

But no place is just one thing. And now, our perception of the American Dream is slowly shifting towards something not quite as perfect and squeaky clean as it used to be. We are waking up to the reality that, although America has been great for scores of people over the centuries, it certainly hasn’t been so for everyone. For many, the notion that we should go back to a time when America was “great” is upsetting, if not insulting. Whether for Indigenous peoples of the United States, African Americans, Hispanic Americans, Japanese Americans, independent-minded women, people of alternative sexualities, anyone suspected of being a communist, and the list goes on. For all of these groups, returning to the days MAGA refers to is not an attractive alternative to today’s state of affairs. This is perhaps also a good time to mention the use of the name “America” in a way that completely disregards 34 American countries outside the United States.

*Taken from “The Night Sky” by Tijana Djapovic (c)*

The nostalgia for a time when “America was great” reminds me of complaints I hear about our shrinking scope of freedoms in the West, especially for upper-to-middle class White men. Seen from a certain perspective, I understand that giving up privileges can be hard, which I addressed in a previous blog article. But I don’t see how anyone should feel they are justified in complaining about this transformation. By which logic should the past ways be the norm, as opposed to the direction we are moving towards now?

Ask yourself

We should be asking ourselves how it is OK that we profit from the exploitation of others. For instance, how can we pay only a couple of euros for a T-shirt, without thinking about who made it? Who produced the fabric, coloured it, designed the shirt, sewed it – or operated the machines that sewed it – packaged, transported, sold it, in such a way that it should cost us only two euros? At whose expense are we wealthy, clothed, educated – happy? Who are the people who are stitching the inspirational messages on our shirts at 1,5€ per hour, reminding us how unique and fabulous we are? Are they not unique and fabulous, too?

My question to all of us is: “Why should anybody else’s time be of less value than our own?” Time is the one thing that cannot be stopped, reversed, or fixed. So who are we to decide that this precious commodity should be worth so little if you are born elsewhere? Like the people in China, India, or Thailand, making our clothes, toys, and machines, in Brazil, Colombia, or Vietnam, growing our coffee beans, in Ghana, the Ivory Coast, or Indonesia, harvesting our cocoa beans, to name but these.

James Brown used to sing:

“This is a man’s, man’s, man’s world
But it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl”

^{– “It’s a Man’s, Man’s, Man’s World” written by Betty Jean Newsome / James Brown}

If we were honest with ourselves, we would be singing: “This is a White world, but it wouldn’t be nothing without all the other people working for us”.

“It’s a man’s, man’s, man’s world” by James Brown

As we know, but choose not to see, colonialism is not dead. It has just changed shapes. Whether we like it or not, our consumerist behaviour is greatly contributing to maintaining inequalities in this competitive market economy. In Europe, artists I know end up having their creations printed or sewn in China so that they will find buyers for them. European-made products are more expensive because we have strict labour laws and trade unions protecting workers’ rights, which makes them less competitive.

And when I hear people complaining about immigrants coming over to “our countries”, I think of the way our companies are treating these immigrants in their home countries. As long as we underpay the labour force working for us from across the world, they have every reason to want to move here, where they might have a chance at a fairer salary. Although I dream of a world where migration is a matter of choice, not a necessity for survival, we are still very far removed from it.

Wake up!

“Make America Great Again” is a wish to return to an age of innocence and blindness. A wish to return to childhood. Perhaps what the United States and part of the world are going through now is a coming of age. An awakening to what was already here, that so many managed to avoid seeing by keeping their eyes shut tight.

In some ways, it is like the film “The Zone of Interest”, which shows careless everyday life in the Hoess family home, right next to the Auschwitz concentration camp, where Hoess was the camp commandant. Like Hoess and his family, most Nazis and their allies chose not to see what they didn’t want to see. Just as most of us living in Western countries have been keeping our eyes shut in the face of injustice that we are actively, albeit indirectly, involved in. In this respect, the use of the word “woke” is exactly on point.

“Woke, the African-American English synonym for the General American English word awake, has (…) been used to refer to awareness of social and political issues affecting African Americans, often in the construction stay woke. Beginning in the 2010s, it came to be used to refer to a broader awareness of social inequalities such as racial injustice, sexism, and denial of LGBTQ rights.”

^–^Wikipedia

Some of us have been waking up to what we have, intentionally or unintentionally, ignored. The dust we have swept under the rug has been piling up for centuries. Our entire societal model, and what we call “progress”, is built on a profound imbalance, which is brilliantly addressed in the documentary film “Tomorrow“.

Trailer of the documentary film “Tomorrow” by Cyril Dion and Mélanie Laurent

It is a disparity on three levels: within our Western societies, between countries at a global human level, and between humans and the natural world on a planetary scale. We have been acting like the residents of Springfield in the episode of “The Simpsons” entitled “Trash of the Titans”. In it, Homer’s ineptitude as sanitation commissioner leads to unmanageable amounts of trash being piled up under his hometown, and all of Springfield eventually has to move, leaving behind a gigantic junkyard.

The ending of “Trash of the Titans”, The Simpsons S9 Ep22

Taking sides

Now, we are at a point where we are divided into two groups. One, still trying to hold on to our old ways, tied together with patriarchy, colonialism, the exploitation of every natural and human resource. Not unlike the residents of Springfield, they are already preparing themselves for a collective move to another planet, namely Mars, once they are done using this planet’s resources. The other group is ready to deal with all the trash humans have been leaving in their path. Some are already picking up their brooms and dustpans, while others are still considering what to do about this new awareness. In a way, we are faced with the same dilemma as Neo in “The Matrix”.

“You take the blue pill… the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill… you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”

– Morpheus in “The Matrix“

The “Blue pill or red pill” scene in “The Matrix” (written and directed by The Wachowskis)

In other words, do you choose to pretend you don’t know what’s going on, and go back to what you knew, even if it is a mirage? Or do you opt to face the harsh reality, and fight for freedom and truth? It is not an easy choice to make. Especially for today’s youth, who have only ever heard about how great things used to be. They are being hit with the consequences of centuries of industrialisation, exploitation, and inequalities. The impact of past wrongs is so overwhelming that escapism is a natural reaction to all that surrounds us. As we have seen, voting for a leader who promises to rid them of all these ugly truths is tempting, too – but it is extremely naive. All we hear in populist discourse, in reaction to this awakening that has begun, is violent discourse. The spread of incendiary language may lead to actual conflicts and suffering, but in the long run, I don’t see it stopping this course of history. It might slow it down, but it will not stop it.

Keep going

In 2025, I want to believe in the power of those who see the wrongs that were already here but had been ignored. I want to believe that, despite the force with which all our countries are shifting to the right, we will manage to avoid another world war or the complete destruction of our environment. I hope that ever more people will open their eyes, and turn to each other for support. I hope that the communities of people who see the world with more nuance, solidarity, and empathy, will grow to outnumber the ones desperately trying to hold on to the old worldview.

In the grand scheme of things, we are experiencing just another step in our evolution. This is merely a setback in our advance. My wish is that we won’t let it discourage us. Onwards we must go!

(Title quote taken from “The Nightmare Before Christmas”,
written by Tim Burton, Michael McDowell, Caroline Thompson)

“What kind of fuckery is this?”

Trump has just been elected the 47th president of the United States of America, in what is arguably the biggest win for the Republicans at all levels of the government since the eighties. When I started writing this article, the title quote I had chosen was Alastair John Campbell’s more sobre comment about Donald Trump:

“He’s normalised the abnormal in so many ways”
^{– Alastair John Campbell on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe”}

“Morning Joe” on MSNBC, November 4th

But since yesterday morning, the only title that seems appropriate anymore is a line from an Amy Winehouse song – albeit taken out of context:

“What kind of fuckery is this?”
^{– Amy Winehouse’s “Me and Mr. Jones”}

What kind of fuckery indeed?! What just happened?

News Sources

I am not American, and I don’t live in the States, but I have strong ties with that vast and beautiful country. For months, I followed the presidential race very closely, absorbing information from all kinds of progressive, liberal, and centrist podcasts and news sources. Especially satirical shows, which helped me to avoid sinking into cynicism many times. I agree with David Hogg, a sharp gun-control activist who, when asked how he managed to remain inspired over time, replied:

“Truly, it’s things like The Daily Show. (…) There’s so much negativity and vitriol in the media constantly, it’s hard to watch. And when it feels like you’re constantly being told the world is on fire, but you still need to be informed, watching things like The Daily Show (…) and John Oliver (…) gave me a completely different perspective on how hilariously corrupt a lot of these different state legislatures and politicians are, but how it doesn’t have to be that way.”
^{– David Hogg interviewed by Michael Kosta on The Daily Show}

David Hogg interviewed by Michael Kosta on “The Daily Show”, October 24th

Most Europeans are well aware that the US presidential election results will impact the whole world. And despite the US foreign policy being very low on most American people’s priorities, our whole system is decidedly globalised and interconnected. Thus, seeing the MAGA crowd’s complete lack of empathy for anyone other than Trump supporters is worrying, even for Europeans. It reminds me of Gustave Gilbert’s quote, as he observed high-ranking Nazi leaders during the Nuremberg trials, echoing Hannah Arendt‘s sentiment:

“I was searching for the nature of evil. I think I’ve come close to defining it: a lack of empathy. It’s the one characteristic that connects all the defendants. A genuine incapacity to feel with their fellow man. Evil, I think, is the absence of empathy.”
^– ^{G. M. Gilbert}

A Woman of Power

On the other side of the spectrum, there is Kamala Harris who, when she became the new presidential candidate, brought a breath of fresh air. There was a sudden sense of hope, joy, and community in her campaign. She clearly stood for what I hope are the values of the future: empathy, inclusion, dialogue, constructive collaboration. There was, of course, room for improvement and aspects of her plan that could be questioned. I also understood that many did not agree with all her views, but I did hope a majority of voters would go for a sane, solid, smart alternative to the endlessly vulgar, disrespectful, dangerous Trump. But they didn’t.

This deeply disappointing election seems to show that too many men are still feeling threatened by women in positions of power. What I see is that in the West, we judge the Iranian Islamic regime and other profoundly chauvinist governments, thinking they are far-removed from us. We convince ourselves that our Human Rights can’t be taken away from us. But we forget about the rights Iranian women used to have mere decades ago, until the rise to power of the Ayatollah Khomeini – whose discourse was eerily similar to that of Trump. Already misogynist comments are flooding social media in post-election America. It has become one of Trump’s trademarks to belittle and objectify women. I assume this projects strength, in the same way as rape or wife battering might, for some of the men who struggle to find their place in our evolving social patterns.

Chris Hayes discusses how the election result emboldened misogynists

And despite it all, many people in the States preferred to vote for THAT man than for A woman – lest Kamala’s hormones get the better of her!

A Flawed System

Another conclusion I’ve reached is that our unchallenged socio-economic system is reaching its limits. Ever since the US lost its sole major opponent with the fall of the Soviet Union in the nineties, an unhinged capitalism based on infinite growth has taken over the world, as has Big Tech. Thirty years ago, American former Secretary of Labour Robert Reich very accurately predicted in a speech:

“We are on the way to becoming a two-tiered society, composed of a few winners and a larger group of Americans left behind, whose anger and whose disillusionment is easily manipulated. Once unbottled, mass resentments can poison the very fabric of society, the moral integrity of a society. Replacing ambition with envy, replacing tolerance with hate. Today, the targets of that rage are immigrants, and welfare mothers, and government officials, and gays, and an ill-defined counterculture. But as the middle class continues to erode, who will be the targets tomorrow?”
_{– Speech by Robert Reich, 1994}

Robert Reich and Heather Loft discussed this on “Coffee Klatch” on 27 April 2024 – LINK HERE

This is something that we have been observing in Europe as well, albeit to a lesser extent for now. I believe that our strong social model and trade unions are still helping to protect “our tired and our poor,” more than in the United States – despite what is written on the Statue of Liberty’s plaque.

But in Europe, too, we have grown increasingly tired of an economic and political system which favours the rich, shrinks the middle class, and disregards the poor. Since 2008, we have seen our governments bail out banks, that went on to give out huge bonuses to their top management. We have seen the American model of employment, chewing up and spitting out its workers, slowly replace our system of long-term hires. There is a steep increase in mental health issues, and working people are finding it hard to make ends meet. Here, too, the population is growing tired of the establishment. We see multinationals being allowed to dictate the rules, without being held accountable for their decisions or the damage they cause.

But in the States, there are fewer guardrails. Where I used to be annoyed with European directives and regulations, seemingly making us less competitive or agile, I now see America’s lack of regulations as its Achilles heel. The Musks, Bezoses, Gateses, and Murdochs are the ones calling the shots, regardless of who’s in power. However, the extent to which the government works in their favour still varies. And here, it is so wrong to assume that, because Trump doesn’t play by any rules and says what he wants, he is a straight shooter who will defend the people’s interests. On the contrary, he is an ideal puppet for the big corporations, in a way that Kamala would not have been.

And it was naive of the Republicans to think they could control Trump, just as Hindenburg and his government thought they could control that “ridiculous people pleaser” called Hitler. Like Hitler in Germany, Trump has become a master at reinforcing many American people’s belief that their situation is disastrous and that only he can save them. He makes it sound as though all the cities in the US are Batman’s Gotham City, where all is dark and scary, and where outlaws and corrupt individuals rule the place. In this scenario, Trump would see himself as Batman. Except that Trump is actually the Joker disguised as Batman. JD Vance is his Robin and Musk is The Penguin. With JD Robin by his side, Trump-The Joker will create chaos so that he can save the day, while stuffing Elon Penguin’s pockets with money stolen from the people.

A New Hitler

But they are not comic book characters. And “harmless little Adolf” was not so harmless after all. The comparison between these two men is perfectly founded. And many steps in Hitler’s rise to power sound very familiar after these elections:

“The Great Depression brought the German economy to a halt and further polarized German politics. Hitler and the Nazis began to exploit the crisis and loudly criticized the ruling government. (…) The groundwork for the Nazi dictatorship was laid when the Reichstag was set on fire in February 1933.”

^{– “Adolf Hitler”s Rise to Power” on Wikipedia}

Just like Hitler, Trump remains extremely popular, no matter what he does, no matter how offensive, dictatorial, or truly insane he sounds. Like in 1930s Germany with Hitler, Trump’s personality cult is solid and lasting. It has been built over decades, from his time as a cameo celebrity in “Home Alone 2” to a TV personality with “The Apprentice.” People have become used to him. They have gone from laughing at his direct and crude remarks to revering him for them.

Hitler’s cult of personality was built on two elements: his talent as an inspiring speaker, and the propaganda techniques developed by his Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels. As is mentioned in the documentary about Nazi propaganda below:

“To summarise the basic principles of Nazi propaganda, they would be simplicity, repetition and emotional appeal.”

^{– Prof. Randall Bytwerk} ^{in “Designing Despotism: Hitler’s Propaganda and the Rise of Nazi Power”}

Documentary: “Designing Despotism: Hitler’s Propaganda and the Rise of Nazi Power”

This is exactly what Trump does: he repeats a simple message that appeals to the masses’ emotions. He is saying to the people: “You are in danger, the situation is terrible, and I will make everything great again for you by getting rid of the bad people who are poisoning our good society!”

During my studies, I wrote several essays on Nazi propaganda. Being half German, I needed to understand how a nation that had given birth to divine music, literature, fine arts, and such advanced science and philosophy, could lose all sense of humanity. (I already addressed my aversion to nationalism in my post “No flag, no country! You can’t have one.”)

What I discovered through my research is that, with over a decade of constant propaganda, supported by an objectively terrible situation, the Nazis managed to convince Germans that Hitler was going to make everything better. But they did it gradually and consistently. As Goebbels said:

“Propaganda (…) must prepare the way (…) for practical actions. It must follow these actions step by step, never losing sight of them. In a manner of speaking, it provides the background music. Such propaganda in the end miraculously makes the unpopular popular, enabling even a government’s most difficult decisions to secure the resolute support of the people. A government that uses it properly can do what is necessary without running the risk of losing the masses.”

^{– Joseph Goebbels speech at a 1934 Rally in Nuremberg}

And that is what Trump has done. He has made the unpopular popular. The unthinkable acceptable. Whether or not they like it, all media outlets have contributed to Trump becoming a household name and figure. Even by ridiculing him, liberal media have contributed to dimming the shocking effect of everything he says, despite their best intentions.

During Nazism, the propaganda messages were constantly repeated across many media, and thus steadily seeped into the German people’s lives – until they completely accepted them. Many of these messages were similar to MAGA’s: “women exist to breed, men must project strength, children’s activities must be in line with the regime’s values, nontraditional sexualities are perverted, cities are centres of debauchery and crime, rural life equates to healthy communities, our opponents seek to destroy us. When we are in power everyone will have jobs.” The only point where the two discourses differ is in their target of racism: in one case it was Jews and Roma, in the other it is immigrants. But the discourse is the same.

Great Again

As in a dictatorship, Trump’s followers behave like cult members. After all, Trump promised them that he would make America great again. But let’s not forget that before him, Hitler had promised to make Germany great again… and Milosevic to make Serbia great again, Putin to make Russia great again, to name but these. I am waiting for the next French leader who will want France to regain its Napoleonic borders, the British leader who will want to regain one-third of the world, or a new Mussolini who will promise to reclaim the Holy Roman Empire. Trump’s plan may not include geographic expansion, but it does involve joining the world’s other ruling bullies, also known as dictators. Like Hitler and Stalin 90 years ago, they are all quite similar in their views and goals.

What Now?

What I fear now is that, if there isn’t sufficient pushback from the Democratic half of the country, the damage caused by Trump will reach our shores, too. Ukrainians will feel its effects in the very near future for sure. As will Palestinian civilians. And the American people who voted for Trump will feel it too, which he will blame on the immigrants. As for our planet, I dread the magnitude of the ecological damage we can expect under Trump.

But we must move forward! And we should look to young and bold leaders like David Hogg to mobilise masses for good, and to independent media to continue voicing their opinions. Political commentator David Pakman is warning his listeners not to give up the good fight. On seeing independent media lose thousands of subscribers after Trump’s victory, he says:

“Our instinct is the opposite of what the Right does. And we will get crushed if this is the way we respond to a defeat. The Right wants us not to exist. The Right wants to decimate independent progressive media.”
^{– David Pakman on “The David Pakman Show”}

“The David Pakman Show”, 6 November 2024

As for me, I will continue to follow these media channels, write, help NGOs work toward a positive change for humanity and the planet. I will go on raising my child with values that are the opposite of Trump’s – and hope that Europe will not follow in the United States’ footsteps.

Remember

This time around, we must remember the horrors of the twentieth century. We can’t plead ignorance. We must think how it could all turn out if we don’t pay attention to those “ridiculous” leaders who make us laugh. Trump will be worse this time around, so the American people who didn’t vote for him will have to be twice as strong as before.

And we Europeans, rather than following the same path, should be there to support the democratic opposition – just as the US helped us save our democracies against Nazism.

I will end this reflection with parts of a text written by Rebecca Solnit the day after the elections:

How to hope even now

“They want you to feel powerless and to surrender and to let them trample everything and you are not going to let them. You are not giving up, and neither am I. The fact that we cannot save everything does not mean we cannot save anything and everything we can save is worth saving. (…)

There is no alternative to persevering, and that does not require you to feel good.”

^{– Rebecca Solnit on The.Ink}

(Title quote taken from Amy Winehouse’s “Me and Mr. Jones”)

“Diversity must be preserved, so that it can bear fruit for the common good”

For an article we recently wrote about diversity in Brussels, my collaborators and I asked people of various backgrounds what word they most associate with “diversity”. These are some of their responses: the world, respect, colours, openness, equality, togetherness, multiculturalism, discovery, richness.

What is Diversity?
To me, diversity means everything – or, in a strictly human context, everyone. This includes all the existing human diversity of gender, ethnicity, socioeconomic and cultural background, experience, interest, age, ability or disability, sexual preference, political view, character trait, type of intelligence, sensitivity, and the list goes on.

The meanings attributed to the word ‘diversity’ are as varied as diversity itself. Surprisingly, many now have a negative undertone. In the wake of the opening ceremony for the Olympic Games in Paris, and of Vice President Kamala Harris becoming the US presidential candidate for the Democrats, I hear the term diversity being used to signify, among other things, non-Caucasians, “unwanted” immigrants, members of the LGBTQIA+ community, women, disabled individuals. There is also the recurring derogatory expression “DEI hire”, used to imply the lowering of standards to include members of underrepresented groups – thereby ignoring their hard-earned achievements or qualifications.

I don’t understand how, in democratic countries, diversity could come to be a denigrating term. In the United States, the very people who cite George Washington as a national hero are disregarding his vision for the country:

“I hope ever to see America among the foremost nations of justice and liberality.”

― George Washington

Since “liberality” means “the quality of being open to new ideas and free from prejudice”, it is obvious that many Republicans have moved away from this ideal. This growing tendency has been spreading across Europe as well, although on “the old continent” the messages of hate and fear towards the representation of diversity are almost exclusively carried by acknowledged far-right groups and movements – as yet.

The 2024 Summer Olympics Opening Ceremony
While watching the Paris Olympics opening ceremony in its entirety, I anticipated that most conservatives would be shocked by some of it. Nevertheless, all I could see in it was the celebration of the French Republic’s ideals: those of Liberty, Equality, Fraternity – to which they finally added Sorority in this very ceremony!

Excerpts from the Olympic Games Opening Ceremony

I saw the celebration of a diversity which has existed in France for centuries, but had never been shown so publicly. The ensuing public outcry across conservative media outlets and social media worldwide completely missed the point being made. They failed to see the admirable and forward-looking valorisation of beliefs, people and historical facts that have made France what it is today. Some of these were the infamous beheaded queen Marie-Antoinette, Gallo-Roman goddess of the Seine Sequana, a polyamorous trio reminiscent of the well-known (and oh! So French) “ménage à trois”, Malian-born French singer Aya Nakamura, joined by the French Republican Guard and the Army Choir to pay tribute to French-Armenian singer Charles Aznavour.

The four-hour-long ceremony highlighted innumerable successes, and overwhelming artistry and diversity. Throughout it all, the message of love and inclusion was omnipresent. But with a quick search on Google, almost all you can read about this impressive show now are messages of indignation and anger, focussing on a very brief and vastly misinterpreted segment. This is indeed what certain popular media and social media have been doing for decades, taking segments out of their context, giving them an erroneous interpretation, and crying out for violence. We are not far off from angry mobs of the past, armed with torches and pitchforks, getting ready for a witch-hunt or lynching.

Kamala Harris
Similar messaging could be heard all over right-wing media regarding Kamala Harris, when Joe Biden decided to step down as a presidential candidate in favour of his VP. One of the most shocking reactions came from Trump’s former Deputy Assistant Sebastian Gorka, in an interview on conservative British news channel GB News. He described Harris as:

“This woman, this disaster, whose only qualification is having a vagina and the right skin colour.”

― Sebastian Gorka

Jon Stewart (The Daily Show) shows clips of reactions in American right-wing media about Harris as the new Democratic presidential nominee.

Such level of uneducated crudeness still manages to surprise me. What people like Gorka claim diversity implies has nothing to do with what diversity really is. Rather than fuming, I decided to reflect on what that word means, what it represents, and why it is so scary for many.

Diversity is a definite fact on this planet. It is not new. It is not the dream of a “woke, leftist, liberal, progressive culture”. It is a reality. The definition of diversity is:

“The condition or an instance of having or being composed of differing elements or qualities.”

― Merriam-Webster

Diversity has always been here, and it has ensured our survival, whether in the form of biodiversity or human diversity. However, there have always been people trying to erase part of this diversity. Interestingly, the groups of people who have sought to annihilate cultural diversity often overlapped with those who sought to destroy or subdue species in the natural world.

Destroying Diversity
Last year, I visited an exhibit at the Paris Gallery of Evolution to rediscover some of the most noteworthy extinct animals in augmented reality. This experience made me reflect on the many similarities between those who have been destroying biodiversity, on one hand, and colonisers, Nazis, or any other genocidal group or regime, on the other. The latter include all who have sought to eliminate an ethnic group, or so-called “race”, throughout recorded History. It is interesting to note that, just as genocides have been denied by right-wing groups, the emblematic dodo’s extinction in the 17^th century was not recognised until two centuries later, partly for religious reasons. Perhaps it is no coincidence that one of the first steps towards building up hate in a population against another is to dehumanise any scapegoated group, and compare them to animals.

A safeguard against extinction
From a genetic standpoint, diversity is fundamental to the health and resilience of all living beings on this planet. A population with high genetic diversity is better equipped to handle challenges. In the face of diseases, genetic variations in individuals are key to providing resistance. Therefore, genetic diversity safeguards against extinction by ensuring a variety of traits and characteristics.

It is clear to me that the same could be said for any diversity. As the Danish ad below showed very clearly, we are diverse well beyond our appearances. We are all part of a multitude of groups. Thus, only highlighting one categorisation provides an incomplete image.

TV2 Denmark advertisement showing many ways to group people instead of the obvious ones (e.g., gender, ethnicity).

Since we have now nearly all been given a voice on social media, I do not see why all the existing human diversity shouldn’t be reflected and protected in popular culture as well. And yet, among the people using these very channels, asserting their right to a voice, more and more want to silence all who do not agree with them. They each want to ensure their own narrative is the only one that remains, thus erasing any diversity of opinions, if not cultures, preferences, backgrounds of any sort.

The Danger of a Single Story
A few years ago, I attended a video conference given by Nusrat Durrani on the importance of nurturing and growing diverse stories and narratives in audiovisual content. He shared his dream of a world in which the stories we read, hear, and see, would reflect all groups, cultures and experiences from a variety of perspectives. Another admirable and charismatic figure who spoke about the danger of a single story is Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. This awe-inspiring author eloquently explains that creating a single story is:

“(to) show the people as one thing, and only one thing, over and over again – and that is what they become. (…) The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story.”

― Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TED talk about the danger of a single story.

I have been repeating that same message for decades. As a Roma Rights creative advocate, whenever I organised events about various Romani cultures, history, and current struggles, I ensured they were represented by Roma who were as diverse in appearance as in their experiences. This approach aimed to expand the audience’s perception of those they called “Gypsies.” The admirable Romani filmmaker and activist Katalin Bársony made the short film below, using this very duality of clichés and a broader reality, to portray European Romani women’s complex identities. The far-right, on the other hand, has been blinkering people to show only a very small segment of any population they attack, and equating this small segment to the whole vast group.

Short film made by Katalin Barsony for the “I’m a European Roma Woman” campaign

A Loss of Privileges
A possible explanation of why this has caught on is that a small percentage of the world’s population, who were born with certain privileges, fear losing them. Even acknowledging these privileges seems to be a problem. As a White lower middle class middle-aged woman, I can understand the fear of losing the relative comfort I have been used to. Although I am far from being rich, and have had to endure my fair share of exclusion due to my gender, socioeconomic background, or even ethnic origin, I am well aware that my life has been much easier than it would have been in the same situation had I been of African, Middle Eastern, Latin American or Asian descent.

While most people around me are better off financially, I still enjoy many privileges, most of which I’ve had to work hard for. And although I live with a certain fear of losing these privileges, it is not because of people of any particular ethnic or religious background. Any fear of losing my privileges is tied to the economic crises we have experienced, as well as the free market economy and speculation, and the people who control these. Therefore, I do not understand White people’s fear of losing their privileges by the mere fact of recognising the past sufferings and ongoing unfair, unjust, and racist treatment of people of colour.

We need Diversity
Finally, just as preserving biodiversity is absolutely essential for our survival as a species, I believe that diversity of thought is essential to a healthy evolution of the human race. Simon Sinek clearly explains why a diversity of perspectives challenges and motivates us to be better, whether in the workplace or at home.

“You need the diversity and inclusion to see opportunity or see (…) gaps, because we all have different perspectives, different upbringings. Not better or worse, but different. (…) We all have our own unconscious biases and we all have our own blinders, but together we have a broad view.”

― Simon Sinek

Simon Sinek speaking about diversity and inclusion, and why it is necessary.

In spite of the rise of far-right groups spreading a discourse of intolerance, fear, and hatred, I remain hopeful. The fact that such an opening ceremony was possible for the Olympic Games in Paris, is already a giant step forward for our joint humanity. It highlighted the beauty of diversity, and the importance of including people of all cultures and sexualities, but also the often disregarded elderly and people with disabilities. I am also hopeful for the upcoming presidential elections in the United States, despite all the warnings that if Kamala Harris is elected, a schism will happen within the country.

When I hear how young people around me speak of gender, multiculturalism, disabilities, I am very hopeful indeed. I believe that, faced with the real threat of autocracy, the people who believe not just in equality, but in equity, will continue to push our societies forward towards a more just world.

As Ruth Bader Ginsburg remarked on the value of diversity:

“We will all profit from a more diverse, inclusive society, understanding, accommodating, even celebrating our differences, while pulling together for the common good.”

― Ruth Bader Ginsburg (Speech given at the Paris Institute of Political Studies graduation ceremony, 2009)

(Title quote by Jacques Delors, politician and architect of the united Europe we know today)

“To thine own self be true”

As one year has drawn to a close and another begins, I am looking back on my overall experience of the past twelve months, while contemplating what the coming year might bring.

In this time of transition, mainly what I see and feel around me is a general wariness. Some believe it is related to our growing anxiety linked with the ongoing wars that affect us, either directly or indirectly. Others feel that it is tied to the escalating dehumanisation of our society, in correlation with the fast expansion of AI and our post-COVID isolation (see my post about mental health issues and fear). The obvious impact of ever-rising prices on a shrinking middle class is certainly also part of the equation. However, even if we cannot necessarily influence these global issues, what we can do is change certain aspects of our lives.

Thus, in the spirit of Anne Shirley in the children’s classic “Anne of Green Gables”, I want to step into the new year thinking:

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it.”
“Anne of Green Gables” by Lucy Maud Montgomery

This last year has decidedly taught me that it is never too late to change course. I have recently come to yet another fork in my road, where I need to choose between two paths, both of which offer advantages and disadvantages. In simpler terms, one provides creative freedom at the cost of financial stability, while the other offers the opposite.

With this in mind, I remembered Polonius’ popular words to Laertes, in Shakespeare’s “Hamlet”:

“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
“Hamlet” by William Shakespeare

But what does it mean to be true to yourself? There are many aspects to each personality and sides to the prism of who you are. So, which “Self” are you meant to be true to?

Excerpt from the teen comedy “Clueless” (1995), showing how present this Hamlet quote is in popular culture

Both paths stretching out before me are in line with equally valid sides of my Self. One is my rational and reasonable “left-brained” side. It listens to my need to provide my child and myself with a stable existence, which is by no means to be undervalued. By doing jobs that I had some interest in, but no passion for, I have been able to pay the rent and spend quality time with my daughter. And then, there is the “right-brained” path, which is aligned with my irrevocably creative nature. Despite all my past efforts to function without it, my creativity has proven to be a resilient creature which will not be silenced. But unlike in Hollywood films, the path of passion never miraculously provided financial stability just because I dared to quit a paying job to follow my dream.

Top 10 Movies That Make You Want to Quit Your Job

This duality within me has repeatedly swung me back and forth between jobs for money and jobs for the soul. And now, this pendulum has swung again towards my creativity. Although creativity is often mentioned in the corporate world, in my experience it is seldom seen as a desirable quality in employees. It is, after all, somewhat of an untamed beast, in direct opposition to the culture that has shaped the West and been enforced by colonisers – past and present. Creativity does not care about hierarchy or the establishment.

And as of recently, the “creative beast” which had restlessly been awaiting her time to be set free once more, has resurfaced in my life. Suddenly, doors that had been closed are opening onto new horizons. And just like that, a short story I wrote with no expectations, based on the lives of both my grandmothers, was published (order “A Story of Two Europes” here). I was then selected to participate in a programme for writers-directors with budding projects, organised by mediarte. During those few days of open and honest interaction with a dozen young filmmakers, I found that I was among “my tribe” again. We were not there to earn money nor promote ourselves, but to learn how to best feed and nurture the projects we so care about.

_{Poster for the mediarte programme I attended (left)}_{& mediarte magazine (feat. actress Priscilla Adade on the cover) (right)}

During this programme, one of the trainers emphasised the importance of living by our values and seeking joy in our daily work. The term “joy” stood out for us all. Perhaps it is because in our society, we are so focused on being happy that we forget about joy. And while happiness is vague and vast, joy is an identifiable emotion that can be ignited in many situations. Moreover, the pursuit of happiness can be weighed down by expectations about it. We all know people who thought they would be happy once they found a partner, got a lucrative job, had a child, only to find that achieving this goal did not live up to their vision. Joy, on the other hand, can readily be found in smaller undertakings and successes. As French philosopher Frédéric Lenoir writes:

“More intense and deeper than pleasure, more concrete than happiness, joy is the manifestation of our vital power.”
“The Power of Joy” by Frédéric Lenoir

I have often been in situations where I traded in joy for a paycheque, and have found that this inevitably creates a crater in the soul. It leads to needing psychological crutches to support you, such as buying material goods, turning to that “wine o’clock” big glass of Chardonnay, eating more than you should, just to make up for what you are denying yourself. After all, everything comes at a price.

Lately, another experience challenged my perception of the choices I’ve made, and the ones I want to make going forward. My childhood hero, the beautiful and exceptionally talented Petro Ivanovitch, passed away. This celebrated Romani (Gypsy) musician and singer was a dear friend of my family and played a significant role in my grown-up life. Our regular visits to his family’s chic Paris restaurant “Les Tziganes Ivanovitch” – always filled with the crème de la crème of Romani performers and celebrities – later led me to write and direct the musical play “Romano Drom” about the Roma people’s history and to create the Romani culture festival “Romani Yag”.

“Les Tziganes Ivanovitch”: Petro (centre) with his beloved brother Slobodan, who died in 1985 (right), and Andrei Chestopaloff (left).

Petro’s passing made me look back on my eight years of passionate and committed work to shine a light on the diverse abundance of Romani culture worldwide. Despite numerous hurdles and tests, I had managed to gain some notoriety for the work I was doing internationally to bring together Romani arts, culture, activism, and information, in order to challenge the old narratives about “Gypsies”. But over time, continuous attacks by opponents to my festival or to me tainted my enthusiasm and wore me down. Just like in the fable about The Little Red Hen, I’ve heard many stories from individuals who worked hard towards a laudable goal, all the while having to fend off envious and frustrated antagonists who only saw the results and glory, and not all the hard work that had made it possible.

At this point though, even if I often regretted having left my path with Romani Yag behind, I have become kinder to myself, and now see regret as:

“a fundamental part of how [we] learn to reason and make decisions (…) Our cognitive apparatus is designed at least in part to sustain us in the long term, rather than bomb us in the near term. We need the ability to regret our poor decisions (…) precisely so we can improve those decisions in the future.”
“The Power of Regret – How Looking Backward Moves Us forward” by Daniel H. Pink

What I have learned from this is never again to quit a path I believe in because of external pressures. And I will try not to walk this path alone. As you age, what you lose in availability and energy, you need to make up for by surrounding yourself with the right people. A middle-aged filmmaker I know recently hit the nail on the head when he said that, while you are young, energetic, and free to dedicate all your energy to just one venture, you can fight your battles alone. But as time passes and your duties multiply, it is wise to share the burden of responsibility with trusted collaborators, partners, family, friends.

Thus, at the dawn of this new year, I will choose a path that is as close to an intersection between my different authentic selves – the elusive “Ikigai“. And I encourage others to do the same if they do not experience a healthy daily dose of joy in their lives. If we can, we should strive to live in line with our core values and our intrinsic nature, despite anyone who might try to format us. For me, this entails birthing my creative projects that had been sitting on a shelf for years, untouched but never forgotten.

(Title quote taken from Shakespeare’s “Hamlet”)

“Thoughts arrive like butterflies”

From my mid-teens to my mid-twenties, I was an unconditional Pearl Jam fan. I had all their albums, went to their concerts, knew the lyrics to all their songs by heart, and Eddie Vedder’s poster hung on my student room wall. To this day, I admire their body of work. They were the voice of the Western world’s nineties youth, addressing all the uncomfortable truths of that generation. The chorus of their song “Even Flow“, about a homeless man, begins with:

“Even flow, thoughts arrive like butterflies
He don’t know, so he chases them away.”
“Even Flow” by Eddie Vedder and Stone Gossard

“Even Flow” by Pearl Jam – lyrics here

I have often remembered this line, as my mind is regularly stormed by thoughts I want to chase away. Lately, I find that in order to stray my mind from unwanted cerebration, I’ve been listening to audio books, podcasts and series to control what populates my brain. This constant influx of content may feed my mind, but at the same time, it tires it and slowly stifles my creativity.

In the Croatian documentary film “Spomenko”, directed by my ex-husband, the exceptional and nonconformist priest, to whom it is dedicated, mentions the importance of solitude in processing all that constitutes our everyday lives.

Full documentary film “Spomenko”* by Bruno Lovrenčić and Dražen Nenadić (Croatian with English subtitles). Passage about the importance of solitude: 5’40”-7’10”.

Our minds need to breathe. They require a break from input in order to create relevant output. And yet, many people cannot handle silence. They go so far as to listen to audio content (whether guided meditations or music) while they sleep. My goal is not to criticise the tools individuals find to cope with whatever is weighing them down. Rather, I wonder if we are not overburdening the brain with never-ending flows of words, thoughts and emotions from the outside in.

Likewise, I am dubious about the overall benefits of brief daily meditations. However helpful, I wonder if they can truly suffice to let the dust of our emotions, encounters, worries and plans settle, which is necessary to try to make sense of it all. As a society, we have been moving faster and faster, and while we are trying to focus on the positive aspects of our existence, we cannot shut out the negative, like we do on our social media profiles. We must learn to live with thoughts that may eat at our brains like bugs. Perhaps we should even welcome them, since countless uneasy questions, worries, sadness or anger, have given birth to an invaluable wealth in art and philosophy over centuries.

The problem now is that, for the first time in history, we have access to an infinite source of distraction and information. This puts us in a position of constant reaction to what we hear and read, as a way to externalise the impact this influx has on us. We are on the receiving end, rather than being the instigators and creators of original thoughts. Whereas welcoming silence and solitude is more challenging in the moment, it brings with it more peace of mind in the long run. And more creativity, too.

As I look out onto the pristine Adriatic Sea, sitting on what was once my grandparents’ terrace, high above the madding crowd, I have made the decision to pause the constant input from my phone. I have taken out the faithful companion that is my notebook and am finally writing again – letting the butterflies back in to fly around my head, come what may. Time to slow down again and just be, and let be. Life is not a long quiet river.

*The view from my late grandparents’ house*

Life is not – nor can it be – a constant source of joy, excitement and gratitude, even when all is well. It is a complex multitude of layers, experiences and emotions, tainted by fears and insecurities, highlighted by joys and serenity. And it is certainly much easier to be offended, complain or be envious of others, than it is to accept what is. But acceptance is necessary at times. As is said in the Serenity Prayer, made famous through its use in AA groups and subsequently in popular culture:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
More about its source here

Acceptance is not resignation. Rather, it is about letting the dust of the daily hustle and bustle settle, letting the fog of injustice, aggression, excitement and euphoria clear up. Only when this happens can we see more clearly, and act rather than react. Swift reaction may well be essential when you are in danger, but it is usually shortsighted and can ultimately misguide you in any other context.

Quieting the voices in our heads by turning on our phones is in some ways comparable to escaping reality through drugs. And like drugs, the relief from our thoughts and emotions that we get through this content is short-lived. What awaits us at the other end is the same feeling of helplessness or the overwhelmingness of everything. This drives us to continue using our “escape-drug” to remain distracted. Detoxifying your mind by only using your phone when you actually need it may take a few days, but I am noticing the positive effects in me already.

My mind is slowing down, the jumbled puzzle pieces are slowly falling into place, allowing me to breathe and make lucid decisions. As the dust is settling, I can see the green fields with colourful butterflies again. For now, I’m just letting them fly about – until I catch one, when I’m ready.

(Title quote taken from the Pearl Jam song “Even Flow”)

*In memoriam Luka Lovrenčić, cinematographer on “Spomenko” (1978-2015)

“Tears are words that need to be written”

Lately, I have found that whichever conversation I have, or whatever I read about, the topics that come up are exactly the ones I have been writing about on this blog. Among them are isolation, screen addiction, absence of community, bullying, powerlessness, desensitisation, lack of nuance, obsession with performance, and this giant corporate monoculture that keeps on spreading. There is also the issue of the “Potemkin village“-like society we live in, where the façade of forced optimism is meant to erase all underlying injustice and imbalance.

What I draw from this is not that I am exceptionally perceptive, but rather that we are all suffering of similar aches. Some are just better than others at concealing it. Generally speaking, our mental health is damaged. In many cases, this even affects our physical health.

Some argue that having mental health issues is a luxury reserved to the wealthy. Others, in turn, consider that only the weak will be afflicted with mental health issues. But I would beg to differ with both these views. These kinds of simplistic statements remind me of one I recently heard from an elderly woman I know: she said that in her childhood, bullying did not exist among kids. Of course, one just needs to read the classics, like Jane Eyre, to know that this is not true. But what this woman’s view reveals is that bullying was not considered or treated as a concern back then. And the same can be said for mental health issues, which were not recognised until fairly recently.

A century ago, and all the centuries before that, most of the population constituted the working class, working fourteen-hour days. They certainly had mental health issues, but the option to diagnose and treat them did not exist. Still, they managed to function, but at what cost?

As mentioned in a previous post, our mental health has been affected by our gradual isolation, exacerbated by the lockdown and the resulting post-COVID social patterns. These include working from home, having food delivered rather than eating out, ordering everything instead of going to shops. Likewise, the digitalisation of every service we use has led to increased screen time, and while we all know that spending too much time watching a screen is detrimental to our mental health (as is clearly explained in this article in Time Magazine), it is very difficult to escape this trend.

Moreover, in our navel-gazing culture, our obsession with ourselves removes us from a journey towards balance. Instead, it forces us to turn inwards and dissect every part of our own behaviour and emotions, thereby further isolating us. It is a rabbit hole from which it can be challenging to resurface.

Understanding and categorising our emotions is certainly important. As we have seen, individuals who are disconnected from their emotions are likely to misidentify sadness or fear as anger. This can easily lead to outward violent behaviour or to inward eating disorders, to compensate for feelings of powerlessness, loneliness or frustration. This is why, early on in my child’s life, I started reading books to help her identify her emotions, such as the excellent “The Color Monster” by Ana Llenas.

Ana Llenas’ “The Color Monster”, read by Joshua Brooks

But identifying and labelling your emotions is only the first step. Once that is done, you still need to process them, and act or react. Physical activity is recommended, as it helps channel (self) destructive energy. And yet, I don’t believe that this is enough. Nor is listening to 5 minutes of daily affirmations on Headspace or similar apps. These habits do help, but there is no quick fix for deeper-rooted problems and a dysfunctional structure.

In my post about victimisation, I mentioned the key element of fear, as a tool of manipulation. Employers, media, heads of state knows this well, and make use of it on a daily basis to steer us in the intended direction. They have planted seeds of fear in us and have continuously nourished them, thereby slowly reducing the spectrum of our freedom and power. I don’t believe that any amount of running or meditation can resolve this issue. So I have started digging into the notion of fear.

In Michelle Obama’s recent book “The Light We Carry: Overcoming in uncertain times“, she talks about being “comfortably afraid”, which is an interesting concept.

“What does it mean to be comfortably afraid? For me, the idea is simple. It’s about learning to deal wisely with fear, finding a way to let your nerves guide you rather than stop you. It’s settling yourself in the presence of life’s inevitable zombies and monsters so that you may contend with them more rationally, and trusting your own assessment of what’s harmful and what’s not. When you live this way, you are neither fully comfortable nor fully afraid. You accept that there’s a middle zone and learn to operate inside of it, awake and aware, but not held back.”
“The Light We Carry” by Michelle Obama (2022)

Michelle Obama talks about fear, and how it narrows your perspectives, as well as isolating you from others

Fear is often seen as something we need to either overcome or avoid. We are seldom taught to live with fear and accept it as an integral part of our life experience. When we are young, we are much more inclined to challenge our fears and ourselves. But as time goes by, as we build a life for ourselves and our family, we seek security. And human security is founded on freedom from fear.

The UNDP’s Human Development Report stresses that “there have always been two major components of human security: freedom from fear and freedom from want.” These ‘two freedoms’ are often considered the ‘twin pillars’ of human security.
United Nations Development Programme – Human Development Report 1994

As security sounds comforting, we accept the ever narrower range of action that is offered to us, as long as we are promised the removal of what we have been told to fear. Each planted fear closes a door for us. Michelle Obama also mentions a parent’s fear for their child, which I understand deeply. My fear for myself was never as great as that for my child’s safety and wellbeing. As Hanya Yanagihara writes:

[The love for one’s own child] “is a singular love, because it is a love whose foundation is not physical attraction, or pleasure, or intellect, but fear. You have never known fear until you have a child, and maybe that is what tricks us into thinking that it is more magnificent, because the fear itself is more magnificent. Every day, your first thought is not “I Love him” but “How is he?””
“A Little Life” by Hanya Yanagihara (2015)

But even this fear is one that we must all learn to live with if we want our kids to grow wings.

Today, so many people live in comfortable situations, that they are inclined to sacrifice their intangible wealth (such as freedom of thought or community) in order to keep their material one. The more they have, the less they dare. It is no coincidence that the people who built the American Dream had little or nothing to lose. Today, I do not believe that we can reach the same heights because we have too much to lose.

This is not to suggest that we should suffer and endure poverty as our ancestors did, just so we can build a new worthwhile dream. Rather, I wonder if the path back to mental health could be one where we accept fear as our daily companion. Perhaps master manipulators might then lose some of their hold on us, and we might venture to seek untrodden paths.

This could begin with small steps, such as sharing knowledge and ideas, without being obsessed with patents and trademarks. For me, that step was simply writing this blog. Through “Midlife Reflection“, I began sharing my emotions and failures publicly, writing words to replace the tears I was shedding – just as in this post’s title quote by Paulo Coelho.

If you can find the source of your tears, I believe you can find a way to turn them into words or actions that, in turn, might help others. And this could be your path towards mental health, balance and “comfortable fearfulness”.

(Title: Quote by Paulo Coelho)

“A time when decency has lost its hold on the public imagination”

I recently watched the first season of “The Diplomat“, which I thoroughly enjoyed. In it, one line caught my attention: David Gyasi‘s character, Austin Dennison, says to Keri Russell‘s Kate Wyler: “Perhaps you’re just a decent person in a time when decency has lost its hold on the public imagination.” I completely agree with this statement. This is not to say that people are less decent or kind than before. It’s rather that decency is generally no longer valued or exemplified the way it used to be.

Although quotes about kindness have become popular, it is not encouraged in practice. We would like to believe that being kind is better than being successful, but we know that in our society, success is more important. Perhaps it is so because, contrary to kindness, success is measurable. Thus, kindness is rarely valued, and it is mostly perceived as naivety or weakness.

Morality and etiquette, too, are outdated, as they are associated with a formerly oppressive and rigid system. But it seems the pendulum has, once again, swung too far in the opposite direction, and we have thrown the baby out with the bathwater. In our struggles against an overly hierarchical and stifled society, in favour of an equally exaggeratedly individualist one (as I mentioned in my previous post on current individualism), we have exchanged what was beneficial in our old codes of conduct for personal freedom and success as absolute priorities. Helping others requires energy and time that, according to today’s set of values, you should be spending bettering yourself or being kind to yourself.

In the corporate world, this is particularly noticeable. Regardless of the principles preached in giant tech and entertainment companies, where “brilliant jerks” are supposedly not welcome, the reality is that the said jerks and toxic managers are celebrated, as long as they bring measurable results and exceed KPIs. In this new world, employees are encouraged to act as though they care, but without actually getting involved. The unwritten rule is that your colleagues are supposed to ask you how you’re doing, and you’re expected to reply: “Great! Amazing! Awesome!” But no one is meant to be sincere, or to truly listen. What I have seen is that in the corporate sphere, helping people in need is done by donating money to a charity, and then patting yourself on the back for being such a decent human being. That way, you don’t have to get your hands dirty, and whatever you give is tax-deductible.

All of this differs greatly from the decency that was once taught, albeit as part of a broader set of restrictive rules. The forced “respect for elders”, which I am against as an absolute principle, did however ensure that young people helped the elderly who needed it. The fear of God, however constrictive, did come with rules that demanded charitable actions. I find there is a lack of nuance, which prevents us from perpetuating what was best in our old sets of rules, and combining it with our recently found freedoms. It seems everything has to be one or the other, black or white, good or bad. Perhaps the digitalisation of our planet, built on binary coding, is pushing us to view everything through a binary lens.

When Simon Sinek talked about performance versus trust, he clearly explained why companies should rather seek trustworthy employees, rather than simply high-performing ones. As he says:

“What we end up doing is promoting or bonusing toxicity in our business.”
Simon Sinek (“Trust vs performance)

This is because valuing numbers over human qualities is deeply ingrained in the corporate identity. While our colleagues may give us mugs with inspiring phrases about kindness and empathy, we are taught to avoid what requires energy if there is no guaranteed selfish profit. And though none of this is new, what shocks me today is the massive gap between what we say and what we do. Or rather what we are told and what is expected of us. Indeed, what is shown in ads or company culture is consistently at the opposite of what is actually being rewarded in these environments.

We speak and hear of authenticity, of empathy, of thinking outside the box. And yet, even though companies are now much more tolerant regarding employees’ appearance, if one looks past the diverse hairstyles, tattoos, piercings or other – all of which should express actual individuality (not individualism) – what remains are people who are formatted, similarly to past generations. They have just replaced one set of goals for another, and decency or kindness are not among them.

When I think of these values, I remember an eye-opening awareness campaign on Quebecois television about homelessness. In this ad, a young man was addressing the viewer, saying: “I’m a magician. Watch me, and you will see how I make myself invisible!” Meanwhile, the camera was zooming out, revealing him as homeless. He was greeting the passersby and they were all ignoring him. To me, being decent goes beyond simple propriety. It means having moral standards, having a sense of responsibility towards others. This includes homeless people whom, at the very least, we can establish eye contact with, because this is the most basic and simple way to acknowledge another’s existence. It requires a moment of attention and it means seeing something that we don’t always want to see. But it is one of many tiny, yet significant, steps we can take towards decency and kindness.

*What we are posting is not necessarily what we truly aspire to… (Image by Yuriz on Canva)*

Thankfully, in our own communities of friends and family, we can choose whom to be around, based on shared fundamental values. As individuals, we are usually drawn either to success and wealth, or to kindness and respect. The first is exclusive, while the second is inclusive. Over the decades, I have always chosen the latter.

Some years ago, a friend of mine repeated a quote she had read:

“When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.”
Abraham Joshua Heschel

Despite having always been drawn to artists and brilliant minds myself, not all of whom showed exemplary values or conduct, I have found that Rabbi Heschel‘s quote has become true for me over the years. I am still impressed by great minds and moved by dazzling artists, just as others are drawn to power, money and success. But success, intellect and talent alike, tell us nothing about a person’s kindness, humanity or generosity. In my forties, I find that I am first and foremost drawn to, and admirative of, people who practice kindness, show respect, demonstrate decency. Having such people around you is indeed a wealth that money cannot buy – even if their values are outdated in today’s public imagination.

(Title: taken from S01:E8 of “The Diplomat”, created by Debora Cahn)

“You fought me when I was strong, you despised me when I was weak”

This is a translated line from the 1975 French song “A witch like the others” (“Une sorcière comme les autres”). When I first heard this song, it was this beautiful and deeply sensitive interpretation by wonderful singer, actor and playwright Nathalie Doummar, whom I was lucky enough to know and direct in my debut play “Romano Drom“, and by the equally moving Laëtitia Isambert.

“Une sorcière comme les autres” (written by Anne Sylvestre, sung by Nathalie Doummar and Laëtitia Isambert)

Many things have changed for women since these lyrics were written (you will find them at the end of this text), but a lot of what Anne Sylvestre wrote still applies. Women are still judged, judging themselves and each other, based on archetypes, on what has been projected onto them over centuries.

After watching the brilliant Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie‘s Ted Talk, I recently read her essay “We should all be feminists“, which presented a view of feminism that I am in complete accordance with. In it, she writes:

“I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness and my femininity. And I want to be respected in all of my femaleness because I deserve to be.”
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie “We should all be feminists” (4th Estate, 2014)

But when I look around me, I am rather disappointed with what is passed off as feminism or asserting your femininity today. Contrary to Ngozi Adichie, who exudes strength, intelligence, wit and femininity, many of the successful women I see are rather like Sheryl Sandberg than Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche’s TED Talk on why we should all be feminists

When Sheryl Sandberg‘s “Lean in“ came out, it spoke to me, probably because I come from a generation and a continent where we, as women, were still mostly taught that expressing yourself with vigour was incompatible with being feminine. So, being encouraged to “lean in”, speak up and be heard was something I much needed to hear. (You can see her Ted Talk here.) But Sandberg’s message was presenting one type of successful female leadership that I could not recognise myself in. It was somewhat in line with what I had seen in my peers at university in England, back in the days of the Spice Girls. Back then, English female students were often called “ladettes“, and many took pride in this. They saw this as a positive step up from our mothers’ generation, which had had to fight for the right to be heard. The so-called “ladettes” felt that mimicking what I saw as the worst traditionally masculine traits, while wearing short skirts and high heels, was a sign of assertive femininity.

I see Sheryl Sandberg’s model of womanhood as a continuation of this trend. And nowadays I see many more Sheryls than Chimamandas at higher levels of the corporate ladder. When we hear the wishfully empowering, albeit solely self-serving, “You can have it all,” I always wonder at whose expense. Where the Women’s Lib movement dreamed of female solidarity, of women helping each other, this is still quite rare. Especially on the way up the ladder. Like many groups that have been victimised and undervalued, rather than helping each other up, many women push each other down as they try to gain their spot among the gods on Mount Olympus.

Bill Burr makes this point about women competing against each other and seeking men’s approval in this clip,
taken from his show “Bill Burr Live at Red Rocks”

Whether in the personal or the professional sphere, women have a tendency to behave as if there were a limited number of seats for us at the VIP table. This would explain why they continue to scratch each other’s eyes out, rather than unite. And in situations where both a man and a woman are responsible for some form of misbehaviour, if another woman is asked to point the finger, she will likely do so at the woman, rather than the man. I don’t know if this comes from a deep-seated lingering fear of men or from simple force of habit, attacking the perceived weakest opponent. Either way, when a husband cheats, his wife usually goes after the other woman. Likewise, when a man and a woman make mistakes at work, female bosses tend to be harder on their own sex.

My personal experience has been that my male bosses rarely felt threatened by me. Perhaps this was due to the implicit assumption that they were superior – but perhaps not. On the other hand, almost all my female bosses (fortunately with a few notable exceptions!) wanted me to be submissive, and felt threatened as soon as they saw any potential for growth in me, even though I had no wish to take their place. And through various discussions with friends, but also through films we see, I know that I am not an isolated case. After the fairy tales of my childhood (filled with evil stepmothers feeling threatened by their stepdaughters) the first time I saw this dynamic between women portrayed in a movie was in the 1980s “Working Girl“. As I’ve done my fair share of gigs as an assistant over the years, I often remembered this film and realised how little removed it was from the truth.

“Working Girl” trailer (1988)

Contrary to 50 years ago, when a woman speaks her mind outside of extremely conservative circles, it is often women, not men, who comment negatively on her. And this happens as soon as girls hit puberty and start looking like women. Almost overnight, they are perceived as competitors and threats by other women.

And yet, most of my friends are women – but none of them behave like this towards other women. They are as diverse as can be, in terms of personality, appearance or culture. But they all have this in common: they are supportive of each other. They are not against men, nor are they against other women. Most of them are devoted mothers, they care about their work, those who have partners love them. And none of them treat each other as rivals. None rejoices in the others’ misfortunes. I’ve identified the common trait that allows them to be different from the women I described above, and that is actual emotional strength, coupled with strength of character. They are deeply strong women.

*Segment of Tijana Djapovic’s painting “Unfinished stories”* (c) Tijana Djapovic

As strong, empathetic, sensitive women, they do not need to prove their strength by using force, intimidation or manipulation. They do not need to crush others to empower themselves. I have noticed that the only times I’ve been jealous or envious of others has been when I felt weak, unhappy or dissatisfied with myself. So, it turns out that the type of women we often see portrayed in movies as successful, are actually weak. The stereotype of a thriving woman is only after a prestigious job and a diamond ring. She is all about winning, and betrays anyone on her path to reach her goal.

Again, I return to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. In her, I see a new model of women who are strong and charismatic, while being empathetic and supportive. Women who love women without hating men, and who love men without fearing women. When I see my own daughter playing with her girlfriends, I observe how they comfort each other when they are sad, praise each other selflessly, help each other when they are down. Seeing this, I hope that the rising generation of girls will neither be fearful like mine, nor aggressive like the one that followed. Hopefully, these girls will find a golden middle, where there is room for all women – and for men, too.

(Title: Lyrics from “Une sorcière comme les autres” by Anne Sylvestre, 1975.
See translated lyrics below.)

“A Witch Like The Others“

Please

Be like the down

Be like the goose feather

Of yesteryears’ pillows;

I would like

To not be a porter,

Please make yourselves lighter

For I can no longer move;

I have carried you alive

I have carried you as children,

God! How heavy you were

With the weight of your love;

I carried you again

At the hour of your death,

I brought you flowers

Broke down my heart for you;

While you were playing soldiers

I was guarding the house,

With my prayers

I wore down your prison bars;

While you were dying under the bombs

I was searching for you, screaming,

Now I am like a tomb

Filled with all the sadness;

It is only I

It is she or I,

She who speaks or she who keeps quiet

She who cries or she who is merry

It is Joan of Arc or Margot

The Daughter of waves or of streams;

And it is my heart

Or it is theirs,

It is the sister or the stranger,

She who never came

She who came too late,

The daughter of dreams or of chance;

And she is my mother

Or yours,

A witch like the others;

You must

Be like the stream

Like the clear water of the pond

That reflects and waits;

Please

Look at me, I am real,

I implore you, do not invent me

You have so often done it already;

You have loved me as a servant

Have wanted me ignorant,

When I was strong you fought me

When I was weak you despised me;

You have loved me as a whore

Covered in satin,

You have made me into a statue

And always I kept quiet;

When I was old and too ugly

You threw me away with the scraps

You denied me your help

When I no longer served you;

When I was beautiful and submissive

You worshipped me on bended knees,

Here I am as a church

With all the shame underneath;

It is only I

It is she or I,

She who loves or loves not

She who reigns or struggles

It is Josephine or La Dupont

The girl of pearl or of cotton;

And it is my heart

Or theirs,

She who waits at the port

She who stands at the war memorial

She who dances and dies from it

The street girl or the flower girl;

And it is my mother

Or yours,

A witch like the others;

Please

Be as I have dreamed you for so long

Free and strong like the wind;

Free as I am, you see

‘Learn’ me, don’t be afraid

For I know you by heart;

I was the one who waits

But I can walk ahead,

I was the log and the fire

I can be the blaze as well;

I was the goddess mother

But I was only dust

I was the ground under your feet

And I didn’t know it;

But one day the earth opens up

And the volcano has had enough,

The ground breaks and uncovers

Unknown riches inside;

In turn, the sea winds

With unused violence,

Here I am like a wave

You will not be drowned;

It is only I

It is she or I,

And she is the ancestor or the child

She who gives in or defends herself

She is Gabrielle or Eva

Daughter of love or of battle;

And it is my heart

Or theirs,

She who is in her spring

She whom no one expects

It is the ugly one or the beautiful one

The girl of fog or of clear skies;

And it is my mother

Or yours,

A witch

Like the others;

Please, please

Make yourselves lighter

For I can no longer move

https://lyricstranslate.com
Anne Sylvestre, Find the original lyrics in French here

“Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great”

Why settle for “good” when you could have “great”? Why lead a “good enough” life when you could have an “amazing” one? Instead of being “just you”, should you not strive to be “the best you can be”?

Just as the fear of missing out (FOMO) is built on the presumption that something fantastic and unmissable is going on, and you’re missing it, we are often brought to believe that we should lead extraordinary lives. Every day. In this decidedly consumerist culture, we are taught that it is our duty to ourselves to reach our highest potential and squeeze every last drop of this thing called life. And while I was an early fan of motivational quotes way back in my student days, in my forties I find these slogans that are used to inspire often end up having the opposite effect in the long run.

For about a decade now, the number of quotes people wear on their tote bags, shirts, caps, or even on their skin, has exploded. With these taglines, we either want to remind ourselves how great we could be or should feel, or we want to display how we wish others to perceive us. I see the good in this mass self-motivation and daily reminder to be grateful. Sometimes, these little sentences do inspire action or make us dream big. But I also see the hidden devil in them. I’ve seen how company cultures have turned these generic quotes into company mottos. The resulting atmosphere is one of “forced happiness”, where I found smiling masks covering unshed tears of frustration and the unspoken denunciation of injustice. A “dictatorship of happiness” is still a dictatorship, and thus leaves little room for individuality or diversity, despite what is advertised.

(Motivational quotes found on Canva)

“Make the most of every day”, “Believe in yourself, and anything is possible”, “Be all that you can be”* – these are good goals to have, in theory. But life is not theoretical, nor are we robots that can utilise time and each beating of our hearts to make sure we never skip a single beat. In the past, I’ve tried to implement the rules and guidelines shared in some self-improvement books or talks. Sometimes I succeeded, sometimes I didn’t. But over time, I found that I was growing tired of them. Endeavouring to constantly be happy, to perform, to be the “best version” of myself at all times felt unnatural.

(The comedic “de-motivational” life coach Self-Help Singh says: “Not every bad day can become a good day.”)

Real life means that, even though I do try to appreciate every moment I share with the people I love, sometimes they get on my nerves. And whereas I value financial stability, I sometimes want to be unreasonable and enjoy the present moment with a bottle of champagne or an impromptu weekend in London. Sometimes, life is just life. Sometimes, putting some projects back on the shelf doesn’t mean you’ve given up on all your dreams. And even when you want to appreciate life completely, you will have off days. As a friend of mine, who lived through the war in Bosnia, once told me: even when you’ve stepped over dead bodies and thought you’d never have a normal life again, when you finally do, you still get upset about something as frivolous as a girl you like not calling you back.

We are only human. And that’s OK. We are allowed to be tired, upset, sad or any of those emotions deemed “negative”. And we must also allow ourselves to want to just curl up under a blanket and watch movies. Which is why, where there once was a calendar with motivational quotes on my wall, there is now a calendar by the brilliant and hilarious Rosie Made A Thing, who celebrates the absurdity of modern life.

Some of Rosie’s humorous creations (www.rosiemadeathing.co.uk)

Another woman who has addressed the beautiful and terrible absurdity of life is Kate Bowler. I came across her Ted Talk on how battling stage 4 cancer impacted her belief system. Her talk stood out because there was no big inspirational quote at the end of it, no universal lesson about living life to the fullest. So I bought her book “Good enough, 40ish devotionals for a life of imperfection“. In it, she covers an incredibly broad spectrum of situations in our everyday lives that cannot be solved with a single sentence. She talks about mourning our future selves (the ones we dreamed we’d become, but didn’t), about doing things for no reason whatsoever (because not everything has to be productive to be worthwhile), and much more. Her wisdom and the non-judgmental way in which she embraces the diverse nature of humanity is both comforting and inspiring.

Kate Bowler’s Ted Talk “‘Everything happens for a reason’ – and other lies I’ve loved”

Bowler talks about the hyper-instrumentalisation prevalent in our cultures, in which everything has to have a purpose. Laughing in the face of life’s absurdity is also about acceptance. Accepting that there is no guaranteed reward for good deeds, nor is there necessarily everlasting happiness if you “just love yourself enough”. As time goes by, what I see in the self-help industry’s constant production of the new “Secret” is a search for simple answers to complex questions. We want to take shortcuts to reach our goals. But happiness is not a destination you can reach and settle into. Life is unpredictable. Manifesting your dream life, dream job, dream partner, child or planet will not necessarily make them real. Therefore, some of your efforts or focus not paying off are not signs of your shortcomings. They are signs of life being just what it is.

The greatest quality I see in the personal growth, positive-thinking trend is that it allowed us to take back some of the power we had reserved for God or fate. Whether or not there is a God, humans should hold some of the power and responsibility for their own wellbeing. However, like the superlatives flooding the American (English) language today, having replaced “good enough” with “totally amazing”, the former ambition of having SOME power is now the belief that we can have ALL of it. This excludes the many factors in life that are wholly beyond our control.

*The slogan on the supermarket bag reads “Act today to have a better life tomorrow”. Photo of a homeless Romani woman taken by Eric Roset (c)*

Likewise, the individualisation of our societies implies that all problems should be solved by the individual. And this means that we alone are at fault if we are not sublimely happy or incredibly successful. While the concept of “self-help” was born out of workers unions’ efforts to empower the workers (as is explained in the video posted below), it is doing the exact opposite today. It is taking societal problems (wage gaps, systemic racism, gender inequalities, mass pollution) and convincing us that we should fix these at an individual level. After all, if Oprah made it to stardom and wealth, there is no limit to what each of us can do… or is there?

A critical view of the self-help industry and facts about its origins

Hence, as growing numbers of people wear motivational quotes as fashion items, ever fewer take to the streets to protest against social and economic failures of the system we live in. Not just because we have lost faith in the effectiveness of these measures today, but also because we are convinced that we must change what we can by our lonesome. As for the rest, we can share our frustration on social media to combat the feeling of powerlessness in the face of ever-present injustice.

Still, a lot of good can come out of this personal growth trend. As always, it is all a matter of dosage, perspective and expectations. As individuals, where we feel there is a need for improvement, we should indeed try to change what we believe we can – with the knowledge that we will sometimes succeed and sometimes not. On the other hand, in order to identify which of our problems are part if a wider societal problem, we should remain informed of what goes on around us, communicate with others, remain connected beyond social media. In this manner, we will soon find that there are harmful side effects to the system we’ve been living in for decades, which cannot be solved merely at an individual level. We can each do our part to recycle, shop local, fair-trade and organic, do our best to preserve a healthy work-life balance, take care of ourselves and our families. However, all our efforts will not suffice to prevent industrial pollution, the extreme inequalities between the Northern and Southern hemisphere, nor the rapid polarisation of our societies. There, I believe that we must join collective movements that will have a significant political and economic impact. There are thousands of such budding collective initiatives, and some will come to grow and become influential over time.

I do believe that change is coming. It is as slow as it has always been, but it is coming. I also see some of my peers questioning the self-help movement and its consequences on mental health and collective action.

A first step in the right direction may be to accept that not everything is as we dreamed it would be, but that it’s not any less worthy. Another might be to start thinking of realistic solutions for our societal problems, and use those supposed “universal laws of attraction” – or perhaps more rationally just our personal network – to build a critical mass towards an improvement of the system we live in. For the benefit of the greatest number this time, not just for our individual selves, nor only for the ones at the top.

* (“Be all that you can be” is also the US Army’s slogan)

(Title: Quote by John D. Rockefeller)